Dear Adam,

I could not believe it when I saw your site on a web search. I have been dealing with bipolar disorder sense Feb. 12, 2004. Like you I had no idea what was happening to me.

My episode (I can't believe I’m not the only one that calls them that) started that day when my husband and teenage son started arguing. I had a lot of stress in my life at the time. My husband’s aunt, her two daughters, and her two grandchildren were living with us at the time and life was hectic. I really think it started before then for me though that was just the so call "straw that broke the camels back". I think I started declining when my mother passed away a year and a half before that. I just didn't realize I was going into a deep depression.

Others have said sense my diagnosis that they saw it. Well I went for about 10 months trying to commit suicide. Thank God each attempt failed. The time was really hard though. At one point they had me on 9 different medicines, taking forty pills a day. The doctor I was going to was a quack. Then last October I took 96 seroquels. I almost died that time, but my only desire was to go home and be with God. I could not live with my problem any longer.

When I got out of intensive care they sent me to a mental hospital again but this one was different. I thought I was in jail it was so bad. But the doctor there really cares about people. He took me off of all those meds and put me on only three. I did great! I was so happy I finally felt like my old self again. Well then on July the 15th I lost my insurance. My family makes too much money for Medicaid. So I had to give up my meds.

The cost was going to be about $700.00 a month I just can't afford that with 2 kids to raise. So I have been using a lot of prayer and Bible reading to get me through. It hasn't been easy. I've started not sleeping again. I also have rapid thoughts and can't get my mind to shut off. Right now I have been up for 37 hours and still feel like I could go on forever. But I started Christian counseling today and I am going to try and make it without the meds.

I'm glad you are doing well and ask that you pray for me as I go through this stage in my disease. I will pray for you and all those who have posted at your site.

Yours in Christ,

Michelle

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