Rita of Mishawaka, Indiana shares this testimony about living with Bipolar Disorder

I want to share my own story of Bipolar Disorder so that others may know that they are not alone in their suffering.

First of all, I want to see the stigma of mental illness changed in our society.   According to the National Mental Health Association, mental illness "is a disease that causes mild to severe disturbances in thinking, perception and behavior".  A person can recover with the proper care and treatment. 

Many mental illnesses are believed to have biological causes, such as diabetes and heart disease, however some mental disorders are caused by a person’s environment and experiences.

I have a genetic disorder that I inherited from my father's side of the family.  My first experience with anxiety and depression is from observing members of my immediate family with these symptoms.  Out of respect for them, I will not share specifics, but will just add that for most of my life, I have known how terrifying and disruptive a mental illness can be.

I have always been a worrier, from childhood to today.  I would worry as a child about grades, tests, my brothers in the Vietnam War years, tornadoes, anything that you could think of.  I know my parents and teachers noticed it, too. 

In high school, I began to experience depression, in addition to anxiety.  At age 15, in June of 1974, my mother passed away after suffering 7 terrible months of cancer.  I remember crying so hard, from the bottom of my soul.  I don't think I have ever cried that hard again.

After she was gone, I soon felt the combinations of anxiety and depression more intensely, and more often.   I decided to hide my emotions and symptoms the best I could.  I suppose it was because I didn't know what was happening to me, and I was afraid.

By the Grace of God, I finished high school in 1977 and had a full-time job as a secretary.  But even at my graduation party, I remembered crying, wondering what I was to do with my life.  I felt lost, even though I had a wonderful family, a good job, and had my whole life ahead of me.  I even experienced panic attacks while driving at that time, and didn't even know why.

A few years later, living with symptoms off and on, I had my first child.     Before I had my son, I was home by myself for 2 weeks while my husband at the time was vacationing in Florida; I couldn't travel per doctor's orders.  For some reason, I became terribly anxious and then went into a deep depression.  I was disoriented, confused, and this continued on until after my son was born.  I had great difficulty trying to make it through the day.  But again, it was only by the Grace of God that He led me to help. First to my family doctor, and then to a psychiatrist. 

At first, I denied that I had a "chemical imbalance" or that I was seeing psychiatrist.  Maybe it was that stigma that I had known about.  Or maybe I didn't want to face that I had the disorder.  But I finally realized that the disorder was a part of me, and that I must accept it if I wanted to live my life. 

Throughout the years, I have learned more and more about myself, and about the depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem that I have experienced.  I abused alcohol in the past, but as an anti-depressant, I know that it is not good for me.  Neither is caffeine. 

I have learned, through it all, that I am actually a stronger person inside.  Along with support from health care workers, family and friends, it takes a "hell of a lot" of strength and endurance to fight off the dark days and nights of the disorder - to "find your way to the clearing" when you are coming down from an episode or a symptom.  It takes faith and hope in God that you will get better, and to know that He will not leave you.  I know Jesus, my Friend and Savior is there with me when I am sad, or anxious, or feeling down about myself.   I call on Him and I Praise Him.  Because I know in my heart and in my soul that He will carry me in His Loving arms wherever I go.

Please tell your children about the disorder, and watch for signs or symptoms that they may exhibit or express, especially as they turn into young adults.  

God Bless You, Adam

For providing this site and the opportunity for those of us who want to share our stories.

Love,

Rita